This is completely tongue-in-cheek (except for the parts that come true). And mostly lege-oriented. 😃
January -
At the opening of the 2026 session of the Arizona State Legislature, Governor Katie Hobbs delivers her annual state of the state address. When she talks about putting some guardrails on the state's school voucher program, the entire R caucus stands, turns around, drops trou, and moons her.
She responds by pulling out a straw and pelting them with spitballs made up of wads of paper from cut-up Culture War/GOP War on Society.
The GOPers express umbrage at being pelted with spitballs.
Hobbs responds by telling them that spitballs are plan A.
Plan B is a 20 gauge with rock salt loads.
The Rs opine that spitballs are OK with them.
February -
Michael Bidwill, owner of the NFL's Arizona Cardinals, announces that the team is so bad that it needs a bigger change than firing a head coach and, as he doesn't want to become Jerry Jones, he will step aside from his day-to-day duties there.
Since that will leave a large gap in his daily schedule, he's going to run for state legislature.
As a Republican (of course).
March -
Rep. Gail Griffin (R-LD19) introduces a bill to give all of Arizona's water and other natural resources to various corporations.
It passes the House on a party line vote.
On another party line vote, they pass a budget that eliminates all taxes on the wealthy and corporations, and pays for their largesse by defunding public education, public health, hell, "public" anything.
Governor Hobbs sends it back to the legislature. After vetoing it, loudly and publicly.
April -
Candidates for 2026 turn in their nominating signatures...except for termed-out State Treasurer Kimberly Yee, a putative candidate for State Superintendent of Public Instruction (SPI). She announces that she was always more interested in the Lieutenant Governor's gig than an SPI gig.
Griffin's pro-corporate/anti-Arizonan bill passes the Senate on a party line vote. Governor Hobbs vetoes it and celebrates that veto with a Snoopy dance.
From Zazzle -
The legislature is still in session with no budget in sight, so they while away the time by sending Governor Hobbs spitball material for next year's state of the state address.
May -
The legislature finally passes a state budget that Governor Hobbs can sign and adjourns sine die. The majority of them don't care about the public as much as they care about getting out of Phoenix and hitting the campaign trail as many of them face primary challenges.
June -
Cheeto makes a campaign appearance in Arizona, speechifying for his endorsees.
He makes his speech all about him and his professed grievances.
His endorsees and other MAGAts genuflect.
July -
Andy Biggs wins the R primary for Arizona Governor and almost immediately and publicly starts pondering who should be his running mate as his Lt. Governor candidate. The field is quickly narrowed to Kimberly Yee and Mark Finchem.
August -
As his Lt. Gov running mate, Biggs selects...Kari Lake. She can't win a statewide race, but she has one strength - she may be the one person in AZ politics who is more intensely disliked by those who have met her than Biggs. Biggs thinks he'll look good by comparison.
September -
Cheeto returns to AZ to stump for R candidates.
During his speech, he shows his solidarity with the Rs in the AZ legislature/dementia by turning around, dropping trou, and mooning the audience.
The R candidates and other MAGAts swoon.
October -
Reading the falling poll numbers for R officeholders and candidates, Cheeto and his acolytes do some preliminary blame shifting, complaining about fraud in elections.
November -
An electoral bloodbath takes place, with Rs up and down the ballot getting their butts handed to them.
Cheeto and his acolytes try to annul the elections because they don't like the results.
It doesn't work, with most folks saying "welcome to democracy."
December -
Kari Lake is a party to a lawsuit seeking to overturn the 2026 results.
She loses that lawsuit.
Most candidates yawn and start preparing for runs in 2030 (statewide races) or 2028 (county or legislative races).
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